Orcs and Dorks

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:33:29 -0800

By request, popular demand, and because Tilda called me out for not posting enough, I present you with this story that all started with a text message from a wrong number:

So I’m sitting on the couch with Jenny and a text message comes in from a number I don’t recognize and from the 520 area code. All the texts below are transcribed as written/received and were clearly sent as jokes to someone who had the wrong number...underage and prudish readers beware, these texts refer to the existence of sex.

520: sup ronnie its josh <idiot patrol>

(I realize that it’s a complete wrong number and decide to have a little fun with the faceless wrong number.)

Me: Sup bitches? <Idiot patrol reporting back to idiot base>

(I recognized the angled brackets as a sort of text message signature and immediately jump onboard that train. When you read the bracketed text you should imagine [or say it] it two octaves lower than normal speech. It’s worth the effect.)

520: lol copy that so what u up to <over> <Idiot patrol>

Me: Kickin’ it and lickin’ it. 10-4 good buddy. <over>

520: U been on wow lately?

(Here’s where we realized that the potential comedy factor was limitless. For those that don’t know, wow is World of Warcraft. It’s a massive multiplayer online game and gaming community that has been lauded almost as much as it’s been ridiculed for being super nerdy, a time waster, and at times a relationship wrecker. Essentially it’s a role playing game online with millions of other gamers. Here’s a depiction of a common WoW player as seen on Comedy Central’s South Park:

Nice wrist brace! Anyway, we safely figure the texts from the 520 are coming from a pre-teen WoW lover (Josh) who is reaching out to his online buddy (Ronnie, played by us) about some serious online video game business. This is going to be fun.)

520: U been on wow lately?

Me: Naw dog. I’m in to sex now.

520: lol... well u said i could use ur account if i leveled ur priest or something
<Idiot patrol>

(Just to translate for those who aren’t savvy, each user on WoW has a unique account, so this guy is now looking to use Ronnie’s account to allegedly level up his guys for him since he’s not using it...it’s kind of sketchy especially since these guys don’t seem to be too close.)

(Oh, also this:)

Me: I dunno dude.

520: hm what do u mean?

Me: What do YOU mean? <Idiot Patrizzol>

(Jenny urged me to give more Idiot Patrol shout outs, and rightly so.)

520: sigh? my sig is not for u its a joke to one of my freinds [sic]

Me (now taking more control of the convo and getting suggestions from the peanut gallery about what to write back): Go ahead and login. You’ve got the PW

520: Do i lol? username and password please

(This is where he really tips his hand by phishing for the account details. He’s trying to loot poor Ronnie’s account by getting his username and password, and he makes a common mistake of asking for it outright.)

Me: You have that already. If you don’t then who is this?

520: Lol seriously its josh u talking about my sig or yours for pw?

(I think he thought that my return “Idiot patrol” brackets were part of the information he wanted but I’m not sure.)

Me: I u/l’d it to the files section of the PSB board. If it’s josh you can get it there.

(Now I’ve created a fictitious place (the PSB message board) where Josh believes the information exists, so the hook is set.)

520: Dude do i need to call u to tell u i am joshua mendoza son of ramona mendoza and richard?

520: Omg seriously ITS ME we talked on the phone on my birthday

(I’m picturing Josh’s undies are all in a bunch at this point, so I figure I’d let him off the hook...maybe he’s not a scammer anyway...)

Me: Oh. I don’t think I know you, dude.

520: Omg i will friken call u if u dont think its me i have rj right next to me

Me: Who’s RJ? I think you have the wrong number.

520: omg ur not even funny <Idiot patrol>

(Good to see <Idiot patrol> back in the rotation...”omg” was getting pretty tired.)

Me: Seriously. Check the number again. I don’t know anyone in the Tuscon area.

(Jenny looked up the area code about 5 seconds after I got the first text.)

520: Funny thing u should say that i didn’t say anything about the tucson area...

520: And i talked to gina and she gave me this number and i also asked stormie to and she gave me the same number

(Stormie?)

Me: It’s your 520 area code. Go double check the number. Idiot patrol strikes again. Sounds like they’re lying.

520: whatever dude when ur rdy u can txt me it <Idiot patrol>

Me: I’m not Ronnie. ttyl.

520: Lol whatever... When ur go and rdy ill be waited for the username

(At this point the text took a turn to infantile...am I friends with a baby?)

Me: Laters.

(Then 15 minutes later, little Josh couldn’t let it go and sent me one more message about the mythical location of the desired information.)

520: Dam it psb?

***

Thusly, <Idiot patrol> was born.

Roller Derby this Saturday!

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 11:07:47 -0700

Come down to the Doll Factory in Historic Filipinotown this Saturday for some fast and furious roller derby action!

Observation

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:34:20 -0700

If you’re chewing wintergreen gum, and then you drink a diet root beer right after, it tastes like chocolate soda. Anyone ever enjoy a Canfield’s Diet Chocolate Fudge Soda?

Yom!

Photo Meme...GATORS!

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:40:51 -0700

Take a picture of yourself right now
Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair… Just take the picture
Post the picture with no editing
Post these instructions with your picture

FOX News Video from Battle on the Bank.

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:19:34 -0700

Here’s a little video snippet from the local FOX station covering the Battle on the Bank from last month. I’m in there running around as a Jam Ref for the LA Ri-ettes versus Team Awesome clips. You can spot me on the infield on the preview frame below:

that’s what’s happening

Orcs and Dorks

Roller Derby this Saturday!

Observation

Photo Meme...GATORS!

FOX News Video from Battle on the Bank.